Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
