You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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