You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
