It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
