I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
COCAINE IS GR8
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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