i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
