How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
