He told me they were just razor bumps!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We are two peas in an std pod
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
