if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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