I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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