I just cut my nipple shaving
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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