You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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