SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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