i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
