I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
