A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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