So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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