i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
