You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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