He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
