Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
