omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
where am i from again
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
