it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
