I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
