Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
