Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
