Me. At least after what I've been through.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
