Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
