i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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