I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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