where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
