we have officially lost it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
