and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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