Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
