Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Alive.
So much puke
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
