I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
