What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
