I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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