I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
