apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
