I cockslap morals
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
