i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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