wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
