I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
