I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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