mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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