i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm really busy with my period
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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