Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
