we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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