areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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