Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
