He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
