Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
